Making Space For More Aliveness
Have you ever found yourself inundated by the feelings of others? Like you are being flooded by what’s going on for someone else? Or like being in a crowd or large group of people is totally overstimulating for you?
I know for many of us, these experiences are more poignant than ever at this point in the COVID-19 pandemic. For those of us who spent extra time alone these last several years, whatever amount of re-entering into collective spaces we may be doing can be a LOT for our tender nervous systems.
And there are so many other reasons this might be true for you.
Trauma takes up space
Often, unprocessed trauma can be a major factor at play (often in a really fun aka complex and painful mix with neurodivergence, mental health stuff, whatever community/relational conflict/dynamics might be at play, etc.) - exacerbated when we are out of practice navigating larger groups.
“Highly activated trauma is like a parallel stream to feeling the deep life connection of all things. Highly activated trauma means that we can get quickly overwhelmed by the stimulus of other people’s feelings. Literally, our emotional physical selves are full. We are carrying too much around inside and so we can’t take on anything else. Feelings and sensations, stimuli from outside, start to feel like blaring foghorns that make our heads ache, our bodies recoil, our energy deplete… This is also why we have to heal, to get the support we need to integrate the trauma we carry so we are not in a feedback loop of overwhelm so that, in order to survive, we have to separate ourselves from the rampant expression of life.”
- Susan Raffo
Tending trauma to free up space
I’ve been reading more of Susan Raffo’s Liberated to the Bone and feeling the truth of it, well, to my bone. Here she’s talking about how essential it is for us humans to tend to our trauma so that it can come to completion, healing, integration.
When we don’t do this, we can get reactivated and thrown off much more frequently and easily, whether that’s in larger group settings, around the intense emotional expression of others, or when we are asked to pivot unexpectedly and outside of our choice or control.
We aren’t able to stay present to the fullness of life.
And I want to be more present, to feel more. I want to stay alive to the pleasure of wading through my dewy strawberry patch as the sun rises, to uncontrollable giggle fits with my kiddo, to the deep wells of grief often buried within me but ready to move through.
I also want to stay present as a white person when I’ve done harm to people of color. I want to be present and feeling when I’m being called in, when I’m parenting, when I’m with my loved ones.
More aliveness is possible
More aliveness is possible and sometimes it’s a little excruciating but I’m here to do the work to get there, more and more.
Susan Raffo, and so many other teachers, lineages and experiences, teach us that to do this, we need to be in the active tending and integration of our trauma.
But how do we do this work? Luckily, I think there are many ways in, and most of us need to be in multiple paths at once, accessing a variety of different tools and supports to carry us in the stream of healing.
For sure seek out therapeutic spaces and practitioners in your community.
And, there are ways in we can explore individually and with our peers.
Here’s one you could experiment with right now.
Letting your body notice you are held
First, just start to notice that you are a breathing being. You don’t have to do or change anything. Just let your breath breathe you.
Then bring your attention to any place where your body is being held - maybe it’s your seat on the chair, your feet on the floor, your back pressed against a surface.
Notice the sensations of being held. Maybe there is pressure, temperature, movement of energy?
Try on a thought experiment - see if you can receive, through your cells, through your tissues, the support of the chair or floor, and below that, the support of the earth. Can you take in that you are held and supported? Can you give into gravity and holding even 5% more?
Then just notice again how you feel - any shifts or changes or new information in your body, sensations, mood, now that you’ve tuned into receiving some support?
Bonus - try this outside, laying on the earth or leaning on a tree, or gazing at a beautiful plant or flower! What else do you notice and feel now?
Keep experimenting!
This is a mini experiment you can return to often, on your own, but also in the midst of things, in a group, during a meeting. Especially once you get a few reps in, you can move through this practice in the space of a few breaths.
This is a practice which can help you return to yourself, hopefully in a way that is resourcing, reminding you that you are supported and held, so that your system has a little more space to integrate and process yet-unmetabolized trauma.
And I don’t mean to oversimplify things - this practice alone will not take care of all of your trauma.
But I do believe it can serve as an anchor point in those moments of overwhelm, and perhaps help you tune in, slowly but surely over time, to what else you might be needing to support your healing.
I believe it can be one of the practices you can reach for that will serve you in that journey of re-accessing your capacity to be with the fullness of your own life and all of the aliveness around you.
I’d love to hear how it goes for you.